The sweet futility of religious zealotry

Editorial by Dave Hayes


So I was looking at the official net anti-spam page, wondering just how different this was from any of the pleading pamphlets religious zealots hand out in public places. All the essentials were there...a description of the evil, a standard by which to judge the evil, quaint rationalizations as to why the evil is wrong, and the usual imploring to join the "cause" and fight. I even found instructions on how to be "saved" from spam and an honest to god blacklist...a tactic I thought had died with McCarthy.

Those of us with some perspective may wonder, "Gee, haven't these people heard of the delete key on their computer?" It sure is ironic that many of the people who signed the site are computer professionals, clearly capable of deleting or filtering any unwanted message from their mailbox. You'd think that these folks would understand that the Internet is supposed to be a free and unrestricted global communications medium.

Just what are they missing?

First of all, you have to understand the mind of someone who is a religious zealot. I'm not just talking about your average rabid christian, or jihadic islamic, there's a more abstract notion of the human being who has a good dose of righteousness and a cause to go with it.

Ever try to ask an EMACS user why they hate VI? How about asking a pro-choice person to explain themselves to a pro-lifer? Talked to a feminist about men's rights? If you have you probably spent the next hour wishing you hadn't said a word, but this annoying experience can actually teach you something. Remember that look of spiritual joy they had on their face as they were explaining their cause to you? (This is not the same as the utterly serious look that accompanied their explanation of the evil, anti-cause, stuff.) When anyone enjoys something that much, you can damn well believe that they aren't going to stop what they are doing anytime soon.

Yes, folks. The religious zealot gets a large jolt of severe righteous pleasure each and every time they explain their cause to the unenlightened. This is not unlike the rat who dies of exhaustion pressing a button that connects to the pleasure center of it's brain. In this case, the rat and the zealot have much in common, neither will stop for any reason...not even death.

This should help to explain why groups of people seem to galvanize over a particularly religious topic. Imagine two over-eager keepers of the faith who are on opposing sides of this topic. Now you have two rats pushing buttons. Do you think these people will stop of their own accord? No! Until forcibly pried from each other, they will continue to argue while ignoring essentials like eating, hygene, and eventually sleep.

Quite honestly, I feel sorry for people who are like this, almost as sorry as I feel for someone addicted to crack cocaine or heroin. I feel addictive drugs are slightly worse because we haven't yet seen the effects of withdrawal on a population of religious zealots. The closest I've ever seen to possible zealotry withdrawal symptoms appeared with my advocacy of the notion that we should not spend so much effort fighting unwanted mail since people are able to control their own reading themselves.

It was almost as if I became the evil thing they spoke of.

So. Now it's time for my jolt of righteous pleasure. The Anti-Spammers claim many things in the estrus of rationalizing their cause to believers. Here's a few of their myths explained with classic Freedom-Knight zealotry.

Dave Hayes
Editorial Copyright (c) 1997, Dave Hayes. All rights reserved. Reproduction without permission is done only by your dishonor.